


Soothe me, every touch

by peashoot



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crying, Feels, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, M/M, lowkey character study, soft hyunlix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 10:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27849354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peashoot/pseuds/peashoot
Summary: Thing is, hefeels. The members all know how much he feels. His squawks of disbelief and anguished groans when he’s watching a particularly gripping drama is testament to that. But he’s never felt as small and afraid as he’s felt in the last few months.[Felix is there when Hyunjin is having a hard time.]
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 8
Kudos: 192





	Soothe me, every touch

**Author's Note:**

> Clearly, this is my completely fictional take on a difficult period for the group so it goes without saying that it should be taken as just that. 
> 
> Please do not repost. Comments and feedback are welcome with open-arms :)

“Ow,” he whines as Jeongin’s elbow presses sharply into his side. 

They’re all squeezed on and around the living room sofa as they nod in sync to the staff reading out their US tour schedule. Someone must have shifted because Jeongin’s arm is positioned uncomfortably between them. Felix is perched precariously on the arm of the sofa on his other side whilst Changbin lies on the floor in front of them. Hyunjin can see his fresh dye job clearly from this angle. Minho and Seungmin are on the other side of the sofa and Chan is in the middle asking all the important questions to relay back to Jisung who’s out at his weekly CBT session. 

There’s an excited buzz in the air as their press schedule between concerts is read out. After so many months at home, the members are itching to get back on the road. Travelling still feels exciting two years into their debut and meeting international fans is always fun. 

This time, however, will be their first meeting with just eight of them. 

Hyunjin isn’t worried, per se. He’s just a bit nervous. But then again he’s sure the others are too. They’re all a bit tour-rusty and, though they’ve been working tirelessly to smooth out the revised choreo arrangements and their new lines, they haven’t had many opportunities to do those all important dry-runs. 

He wonders if the fans abroad will be just as receiving as they were last time they visited. 

“What about sleeping arrangements? Two to a room again?” Jeongin asks, interrupting Hyunjin’s train of thought. He’s clearly hoping they get single rooms at least in some of the cities, and to be honest, Hyunjin is kinda hoping for the same. Hyunjin shoves the other’s arm off of his side as their manager answers. 

Jeongin pouts when they find that it’s double rooms again for the duration of the tour. The members then pick their roommates for each stop out of a hat, Seungmin throwing his paper at Minho like it’s his fault when he pulls his name out for one of the stops. 

Before he can register properly, Hyunjin feels Felix slide from the arm of the sofa and into his lap. He turns his fluffy head to face Hyunjin behind him. He has a large grin on his face. 

“Guess who’s rooming with me. Twice~” he sings-song into Hyunjin’s ear as he snuggles further between Hyunjin’s now spread legs and takes his hand in his to play with it. 

It’s always nice rooming with Felix. They’ve shared rooms before and have gotten a lot closer through the years - Felix’s grasp of Korean has improved immensely so they’ve been having some pretty deep conversations, the other just so unassuming that it’s easy for Hyunjin to be his most honest and raw self when it’s just the two of them. Hyunjin’s more practical half thinks it’ll also be a perfect opportunity for him to brush up on his English in preparation for his concert -ments. 

Their manager is in front of them now, listing off the things to remember to pack. Hyunjin catches only half of the list, too distracted by Felix’s hands, which are skillfully massaging his larger ones, and the feel of his thin back pressed against Hyunjin’s chest. His worn-out t-shirt lets the heat seep between them as the other boy shifts back another inch to press and cuddle further into Hyunjin. 

“Only if you bring your Switch.” Hyunjin replies to Felix airily, ignoring the flutter in his chest. He looks down to see Felix’s two smaller hands gripping his left, soft fingers pushing at the tight muscle in his palm near his thumb. 

“Uh-huh. And free massages.” The other mock whispers with a winning nod. 

Hyunjin supposes he can deal with sharing rooms for a while longer. 

  
  


+\\+\\+

  
  


Much later that evening, Hyunjin is lying in his bunk on his side with his AirPods in his ears. Jisung is still out and some of the members are in the living room playing video games but Hyunjin just hadn’t been feeling up for anything given their early start the next day. 

He’s been spiralling into one of his _moods_ again. It started when he put the playlist with all his lo-fi songs on. They had been supposed to lull him to sleep but it hadn’t worked and then he noticed how melancholy all the songs were and it made him feel extra sad. Sad enough to think about how down in the dumps they’ve all been the last few months, and sad enough to bring the memories he thought he had swept neatly under the carpet bubbling uncontrollably back out like lava. 

Thing is, he _feels_. The members all know how much he feels. His squawks of disbelief and the anguished groans echoing from his bed when he’s watching a particularly gripping drama is testament to that. But he’s never felt as small and afraid as he’s felt in the last few months. Even when they were debuting it hadn’t been like this, the dread of feeling like he was starting from zero again, after so long, putting in so much of his blood, sweat and tears and exposing so much of himself in the process. 

He’s trying to sweep all the wayward thoughts back under the threadbare carpet again when he feels the first tear travel from the corner of his eye down the side of his face. Within a moment there are wet tracks all the way down to his ear. The wetness slowly grows on his pillow. 

He’s not ugly crying. Not like before, all those months ago. They’re silent and unexpected. Somehow, that just makes him feel even more pathetic. 

He thought he’d gotten over this. He should be feeling excited about the tour. They’ve got plans for the group in the coming months that look really promising and he should be channeling positive thoughts instead of randomly weeping on his bed in the middle of the night before the start of a long-awaited tour. He needs to snap out of it before he brings the tentatively hopeful mood in the dorms down again. Hyunjin wipes the streaks roughly and pulls out his phone from beside his pillow. 

He’s fumbling with trying to find a more upbeat song on his playlist when he hears the faint sound of someone saying something over the music in his ears. Before he can react, Felix opens the privacy curtain Hyunjin put up around his bunk and plops himself on the mattress, letting the curtains drop and darkening the bunk again. He’s still saying something without realising Hyunjin has his earphones on but stops as soon as he comes face to teary face with Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin tries to hide his wet face from Felix but the other has already noticed. He can see Felix’s thin eyebrows furrow in concern as he moves to lie down next to Hyunjin.

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” He asks, looking up and searching Hyunjin’s face.

Hyunjin swallows and tries to centre himself. _Get it together, Hyunjin. Stop ruining the party._

“Ah. Nothing. Just listening to that OST again.” He laughs weakly and runs his fingers through his messy hair to avoid Felix’s eye contact. 

He can feel Felix look at him, eyes on Hyunjin for a beat too long, before the other is making a little cooing noise in his throat. He moves to wipe away the last remnants of Hyunjin’s tears and to pet his hair soothingly. 

Hyunjin is glad that Felix has decided not to probe. He’s sure the other can see right through him but he doesn’t want to talk about it tonight. He just wants to zone out and rest up for what will inevitably be a packed day of practice tomorrow. And if that means cuddling Felix whilst he pets his hair until he falls asleep then all the better. 

Hyunjin mentally nods to himself and wraps his arms around the smaller boy, slipping his left arm under the other’s neck and his right across Felix’s shoulder. 

Felix is so warm in his arms, better than any plushie, even as bony as he is, and Hyunjin feels his eyes droop as the other continues to stroke his hair softly. The repetitive motion is so comforting he can’t help but wrap around the other tighter, dozing off to the light pats and background noise of the other members in the living room. 

  
  


+\\+\\+

  
  


Hyunjin wakes to the dark and the soft sound of someone else breathing slowly next to him. He wipes the sleep and crusted salt deposits from his eyes with one hand, noting that it’s probably deep into the night given how dark and quiet the dorms are. 

He looks down to see Felix’s sleeping form curled into him, face so close to Hyunjin’s chest that he can feel the other’s warm breath through his worn t-shirt. 

Hyunjin can’t help but push the other’s bangs off of his sleeping face even though it’s dark and all he can see is the outline of it. He can just about make out Felix’s long eyelashes, the slope of his dainty nose and his mouth, pouty even in sleep. He moves his free hand to lightly skim his fingers over Felix’s back. 

The other hadn’t changed into his sleepwear, probably having fallen asleep whilst tending to Hyunjin. 

It isn’t the first time Felix has forgone his own comfort for others, for Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin feels an overwhelming sense of affection for the other member. Felix has been strong during the last few rocky months, there when Hyunjin needed a calm, fixed presence more than ever in his life. He’s always been a pillar of comfort throughout their short but all-consuming career but it’s only recently that Hyunjin has realised how much he’s come to lean on the other boy. 

He can’t help it when he opens the palm of his hand flat on Felix’s back to draw himself closer and ducks down to press his lips to the other’s forehead. He doesn’t know why but he lets his lips linger on the warm skin, relishing over the smell of the other so close. 

Something stirs in the pit of his belly. He wants to hug the other tight and bury his face in the crook of Felix’s neck until there’s no gap left between them. Hyunjin’s highly aware he’s clingy but there’s always been something about Felix, with his warm smile and delicate form, that has Hyunjin gravitating towards him. He imagines enveloping the other completely, so that he’s pressed flush against and around his body - it makes his stomach feel something weird and his chest ache. 

Mentally shaking his head to free himself of the thoughts and feelings hurtling around inside his head, he starts to shift carefully away from the other boy. 

Before he can move another inch he feels a hand tighten on his t-shirt. 

Hyunjin stills. 

“Mmh, feels nice.” Felix’s eyes are still closed but Hyunjin can make out the outline of his sweet smile and his low voice, though soft, reverberates through the quiet of the room and Hyunjin’s chest. 

Felix tilts his face up so Hyunjin’s lips are back to being a hair's-breadth away from his face. 

“How’re you feeling?” the other boy asks in a soothing whisper, because when does he not think of others first? He smooths his hand over Hyunjin’s t-shirt absentmindedly. Hyunjin swallows. He thinks about how long Felix has been awake for, the ghost of his warm skin still on Hyunjin’s lips. 

“Good. Not so tired” he whispers back. 

“‘’m Glad,” he curls closer into Hyunjin, knees pressing against Hyunjin’s legs. 

Hyunjin feels his heart hammering loudly in his ribcage now and is sure Felix feels it too with how close they are. He doesn’t know if it’s the heat or the suddenly overwhelming feelings that are making him feel unbearable but it feels like his heart is going to abruptly burst out of his chest and fly onto the mattress with the way it’s beating. He can feel sweat prickling his skin where it’s threatening to break out. 

Felix shuffles closer as he pulls himself into the tiny gap left between them. “You know you can talk to me whenev-” 

“Can I kiss you?” Hyunjin blurt-whispers before Felix can finish his sentence. 

Felix’s eyes, which were half-closed, fly open. 

There’s a split second of silence where Hyunjin immediately thinks he’s done something terrible. Not because he doesn’t mean it. Because, now having said it out loud, he knows he does. 

But he’s just asked for something so very intimate with no preface whatsoever - blurting it out without a care for how it’ll be construed. Without having told Felix how much he means to Hyunjin. 

_Ugh, what the hell, Hwang Hyunjin? Whilst he’s trying to comfort you, no less._

He’s glad it’s dark, because he’s floundering. His throat suddenly feels parched and he’s thinking of how to restart, to explain himself, and, _god_ , he feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t - 

He’s cut off from his thoughts by a tug of his shirt, held in the other’s small hand. He looks down to see Felix’s face. Even in the dark there’s no mistaking the close-lipped smile that’s slowly breaking out. The kind of sweet smile Hyunjin gets from the other when he gives him his last piece of samgyupsal or when he receives compliments.

Then, Felix is nodding, eyes crinkling into little crescent moons with how big his smile is, and the tension in Hyunjin’s body eases. 

Their first kiss is not anything like those in the movies Hyunjin likes to watch. 

They don’t collide together in a haze of lust or roll around the bed making sensual noises. For one, Hyunjin shares a room with three other members, and he’d die before they could catch him in any type of passionate embrace, let alone with another member. The bed is creaky, he’s in his most well-worn, least sexy sleepwear and the duvet’s bunched uncomfortably between the wall and his back. 

Their first kiss starts quietly in the middle of the night. Hyunjin can feel himself shaking. It’s embarrassing but Felix doesn’t seem to notice as he lifts his face up to meet Hyunjin’s, their lips pressing hesitantly together at first. Both their lips are warm and dry, so unlike how on fire the rest of Hyunjin’s body feels. 

They separate a fraction to look at each other. It’s dark in his bunk, the only light coming from the thin gap in the curtains. But Hyunjin can see a soft face framed by light hair looking back at him expectantly. 

He takes his time to trace Felix’s delicate eyebrows and pretty rosebud lips, notices the smudges of residual make-up under his eyes. He breathes out shakily, mouth slackening as he takes in the other boy. He notices Felix’s eyes flick to his parted lips. The overwhelming feeling of affection rises up again in a crescendo and reminds him of how much he wants Felix to know how he feels. How much he feels at that very moment. 

Hyunjin slides his hand up Felix’s arm and neck to cup the other boy’s jaw and leans in again for a second kiss. A bit more insistent but still gentle. Felix is gripping his shirt tightly now, forearms folded and pressed flush against Hyunjin’s chest as he leans in to deepen the kiss. He curves around Felix’s entire body like a cocoon. 

Hyunjin knows he’s slightly awkward and out of practice but when he feels Felix melt into the kiss and slide his foot up Hyunjin’s inner calf to hook himself closer still, clinging to him from top to bottom, he darts his tongue out to swipe at the other’s bottom lip. 

They’ve always been the clingiest of the members (though Changbin-hyung could give them a run for their money). Showing their affection through touch is nothing out of the ordinary for either of them. A small part of Hyunjin’s brain thinks when it was that he started imagining more with Felix. How cuddles and pets became not enough as his soft spot for the other grew into something much more than just two touch-starved boys lonely for comfort and home.

Their breathing starts getting louder as Felix opens his mouth to let Hyunjin in. He’s palming Hyunjin’s chest now, smoothing over the material and making soft nearly imperceptible noises in his throat. Hyunjin’s heart kicks as he feels Felix’s hands feel up the planes of his chest to rest on his shoulders. It frees up more space so that the other boy can flatten his smaller form against Hyunjin. His mouth presses open and insistently against Hyunjin’s in encouragement. Hyunjin tilts his chin to deepen their kiss more resolutely. 

This close, Hyunjin can feel the other boy shaking as well. The heady smell of Felix’s favourite cologne and the feeling of the soft wetness of his open mouth hits him hard. He can’t help but thumb the other’s cheek gently and then to release his face to run his hand down his back, brushing across his shoulder blades and the knobs of his spine. Make as much contact as possible. As if all his feelings will radiate out through his touch and allow the other boy to feel how he feels. The feeling of Hyunjin’s large hand splayed across his lower back elicits a small ‘ah’ from Felix which goes straight to the pit of Hyunjin’s stomach.

He stills, breaking off their kiss and resting their foreheads together. 

They’re both breathing heavily and Felix’s hands are still gripping his shoulders like Hyunjin will surge forward again to take his lips in another kiss. 

“Sorry, I -” Hyunjin stops, looking for the right words. He backs up a little so he can look at the other’s face. 

Felix’s brow furrows in confusion as he feels Hyunjin pull back but he waits for Hyunjin to speak. Hyunjin gulps and looks the other in the eyes before declaring in a whisper:

“I want you to know how I feel before…” he feels his face colour as he hears himself speak, trailing off in embarrassment. How do you tell someone this isn’t just a random one-off experiment but something that comes from so deep within-- his usual sharp-tongued self is at a complete loss for words.

He decides stalling until he can get himself together is a good idea. “And, you know…” he flicks his eyes towards the top bunk where Seungmin is likely sleeping soundly at the very moment. 

Felix follows the direction of his stare and, after a split second, realises what Hyunjin’s saying. Suddenly, he’s pressing his face to Hyunjin’s neck to suppress his giggles. This only serves to fluster Hyunjin more, the feeling of Felix’s hair and lips brushing across his sensitive skin and making him think of the things they could be doing - 

“It’s OK. I know.” Felix’s deep voice whispers into his ear, making Hyunjin shiver. He links their hands together and smiles again in that way of his, as if to say, _I know, I feel the same way_. 

Relief floods Hyunjin. The deluge of feelings had hit him by surprise. As exciting as his realisation is, he’s feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t want to ruin the moment by going too fast or acting too bold. They have time to take this slow. 

Hyunjin moves to interlock their fingers, something he’s used to doing, as he offers up his own wavering smile back. He brushes his nose against Felix’s own like how cats would do to show affection. Touch. It’s how they’ve always communicated in the past and it’s how he now conveys his jumbled feelings to the other boy. The way they understand best. 

They keep to light pets and gentle nuzzling for the rest of the night until they fall asleep wound around one another, faces pressed close and hands clasped together.

  
  
  


+\\+\\+

  
  


_(Fast forward.)_

Felix bounds towards Hyunjin, long earrings jingling and boots click-clacking on the dressing room’s hard floor. He seats himself behind Hyunjin, who’s just finished getting his make-up done, and hooks his little chin over Hyunjin’s shoulder. 

“Pretty” Felix titters, fingers playing with Hyunjin’s long freshly-dyed pink hair. 

He sees Felix reflected back in the lit mirror in front of them, hair the colour of ash and delicate jewels just below his eyes. He looks irresistible, make-up and accessories accentuating his delicate features. No matter how many times they kiss and touch Hyunjin doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how beautiful the other boy is, his dazzling smile reaching in and tightening his heartstrings.

“Look, look. We look so good together.” The other boy breathes into Hyunjin’s ear, his deep voice too quiet for anyone else to hear. 

Hyunjin does. Two flawless faces stare back at him. He suppresses his shiver, feeling his ear tingle where Felix’s breath hits his skin, and the building excitement of their comeback, looking like this, coursing through his veins. 

Their popularity is growing at pace. It’s thrilling for Hyunjin to think about where they are now as a group compared to this time last year. It’s even more thrilling for him to think about what Felix means to him now more than ever. Things are getting better. And he looks at the boy beside him who had no small part in that. 

A staff member calls for them to get ready for their stage. 

He looks at their reflection again. Felix is staring back at him with a small knowing smile. 

“Let’s go smash it.” 


End file.
